Saturday, January 3, 2009

Today contains all the components of what usually makes a good day, but for some reason, I just can't shake this mood I'm in.  All the physical ingredients of life that satisfy my soul are present, so nothing seems to justify why or what I'm feeling.  I'm not necessarily grumpy, not sad, not mad, but I'm not happy, peaceful, or content either.  I guess the best way I can explain is with Holly Golightly, in one of my favorite movies "Breakfast At Tiffany's".  She describes her state of mind as "the mean reds".   She explains "....the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long, you're just sad, that's all. But the mean reds are horrible.  Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."  

While I sit here alone and do some inventory, I am also taking time for some introspection.  I realize again, there isn't anything palpable that justifies my "blues" and "reds".  My reasons aren't clear to the mind, or plain to see, but rather my perception, I guess.   So how do I change my perception when these moods settle in and make residence in my soul?    
Maybe I need quiet to refocus the lense I use to view my framework.  If I can learn how to adjust my lense, my perception, then maybe next time when the "blues" and "reds" creep into my psyche, I can send them on their way before any time is wasted.   For today, however, I am going to welcome them and embrace the solitary mood it mandates.

3 comments:

The Lomeli clan said...

Did you really write that? I didn't understand the whole second paragraph!! You sound like you know how to talk good, using all them big words and what not! Can you keep it elementary for us retards.
I love you and I know your moods. It's like the flu. It will be done in 24 hours. If not, then I am planning a trip to Gilroy. You may continue your reds just for that, huh?

Audrey said...

Ah, you don't know how much I needed to hear you say that part about loving me and knowing my moods! Sounds funny, I know. But I think I'm going through a self-doubt funk. I don't know, maybe it's something you do when you turn 30....getting to understand and hopefully be comfortable with the real you. But, having a "true friend" as Gracie would call it, like you makes me feel 1000% better! Thank you BFF!

The Lomeli clan said...

When you turn 30 you learn that you have to rely on your personality more and your looks less. Or is that from putting on so much weight from baring children, maybe he latter. Anyway, it sounds like you are just having a bad few days. We all have them. You just need to hang out with me! I will come see you Saturday.