I Give Up

Today was not a good day.  Mike invited two couples over to our house last week, and I guess I took cleaning the house for company a little too serious.  I don't know why I let the stress of company get to me, but I did.  I lost my temper.  Yesterday I spent a good part of the day washing windows, cleaning the kitchen, mopping floors, and cleaning bathrooms - only to wake up this morning with a list of more chores that needed to be done -  and my body ached! How does this house get so grimy when it feels like all I do is clean?  I try and look at my house as a visitor would, and then I'm able to see the grossness of it.  I admit, I was overwhelmed:  So much to do, and not enough time or energy.  After church we rushed home and again I started with the list I had in my head...the company would be here in 1-1/2 hours, and I still needed to make the food for company.  I didn't feel Mike was helping - as quickly as he should be, and I was picking up after him and the kids for at least the fifth time - it got to me, and I yelled at Gracie, making her cry.  Yes, I felt bad, but there were things that still needed to get done!  Is that OCD, or what?  Well, my attitude led Mike and I to fight, quite loudly.  Not something I'm proud of.  I'm overwhelmed, with life in general, and I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back today.  Needless to say, the time spent with company was not all that enjoyable, neither was the rest of the day after they left (our house a disaster, again.).  Oh well.  Who the hell cares, right?  So, after the consequences of being overly concerned about the cleanliness of my house, and my life's stress, I've decided to give up.  I'm not going to worry about having a perfect house -  not that it ever is, but it is enough to make my brain be quiet.  I give up.  I've decided the happiness of myself and Gracie and Jacob is more important.   Because believe it or not, on my Thursday's, when I stay home, I spend most of my day cleaning, despite my children's begging to play outside or go on a walk.....but not anymore.  I haven't figured out how to quiet the voices in my head that won't rest until I feel comfortable my house is "clean", but I will!!  No more.  So, if you come over and see dishes piled up, and mold growing, just be happy for me!  Know that I feel no stress and am FINALLY enjoying the important things..Gracie and Jake.   Who the hell cares, I give up.