Ditzy Mom Part 1

Last week I received a phone call from a mother of one of Gracie's preschool friends, asking for our address so she could mail a birthday invitation to us. Diana, the mother, explained with her very thick Spanish accent, that Carolina has been missing Gracie very much and would love for us to come. After trying to communicate with each other for 10 minutes, it was finally agreed she would mail us an invitation and we would see her at the birthday party!

So, indeed, we received the invitation 3 days later, and pinned it up on the fridge. I had it in my head all week that I needed to plan ahead and shop for a birthday present so I wouldn't be rushed at the last minute (which is usually the case). I made sure to communicate with Mike about the party, so he knew what our plans were for the day. As a family, we left the house at 9:45 this morning to do some errands, came home and rested, then Gracie and I did our hair, makeup, and changed our clothes, to go to the party. We looked up directions to the house on MapQuest, loaded up the gift, and left the boys at home. Carolina's house is on the complete opposite side of town, which took about 15 minutes to drive. As I turned the last corner onto the street where her house was, I noticed there were no other cars. What the heck? My first thought was that I felt sorry for Carolina - how come nobody showed up? Gracie and I were 25 minutes "fashionably late", so there should have been a lot of people here already, at least family?! I parked the car in front of the house, checked the invitation to make sure we had the right house, and started to get out. I poked my head back into the car to take one more look at the invitation....right time?....yes, 3:00pm. Okay! "Gracie, get out of the car and grab the gift please." I walked around to the other side of the car to help Gracie out and grabb my purse, ready to walk up to the house. Um, one more time, I stuck my head in the passenger's side and looked at the invitation...Saturday or Sunday?...Yes, Saturday. Hmmmmm. Still wondering why on earth no one is here? Gracie asks me which house it is, which I confirm to her, and starts walking toward the gate on the porch. I open the car door to check the invitation ONCE more. YEP!!! There it was....the party is actually NEXT SATURDAY! ! August 29, NOT the 22. "GRACIE!!" I yelled! "Hurry up and jump in the car before anybody sees us!! NOW!!" Of course, Gracie is looking at me like my head had caught on fire, and just stood there with this polka-dot birthday bag that's as big as she is, with pink tissue exploding out of it. "What?! Why Mom? What are you doing?" I tried to keep my voice in check, but also convey the urgency, "PLEASE just GET in the CAR!"

After putting the car in Drive and pulling away from the house, I looked back to double-check nobody saw us! How embarrassing would that have been if we had really walked up to the house, knocked, and said, "We're here!! Happy Birthday! Where IS everyone?"

I can't help but laugh at myself - how much stupider can a mom get? Gracie isn't as amused, sitting in the passenger's side with her arms crossed, glaring at me like I just accidentally put her favorite stuffed animal, Goldy, in the garbage disposal. She can't contain her irritation (and disappointment) anymore and exclaims "You're a GOOFBALL, MOM!!!" Which, of course, she got in trouble for - but she's not half wrong. I had to make it up to her by treating her to Starbucks.

At least I'm well prepared for NEXT Saturday! I've already got the gift, AND I already know how to get there!

Summer Update

I know I haven't updated this crazy blog in FOR-EVER! It's been a busy summer, but I still don't have much of an exciting life to blog as often as I'd like! We went on our annual week-long camping vacation to Morro Bay in July. My best friend, Melissa, her husband, and two boys came along for two nights - which was a blast! We enjoyed the cool weather and lots of time on the beach!

We've taken the travel trailer to the mountains a couple of times to escape the valley heat and filthy air. Jacob and Gracie are right at home in the mountains - where baths and schedules are non-existent! Not much rest was included in these mini-vacations for Mike and I, as we were chasing the kids and trying to keep up with them, but at least they got getting fresh air and experienced the great outdoors like Mike and I did as kids - making memories!

Let's see, what else? Lots of playing on the Slip-n-slide, swimming in Nana's pool, and getting tan (for the kids, at least).

Last week our little neighborhood enjoyed National Night Out, which is a Neighborhood Watch program. All our neighbors meet at our house and we share food and fellowship! The kids really enjoy this because the police and fire department make appearances and let the kids crawl in and out of their cars and fire trucks! Jacob was in awe of the yellow fire truck! They role in the neighborhood with lights and sirens - I wish I had a videotape of Jake's eyes when they turned the corner...and then stopped right in front of us! He loved it! He enjoyed trying on their helmets and sitting in the "captains" seat!

Gracie has been eagerly anticipating starting Kindergarten this school year. Her first day was today! She is so excited to be able to ride the bus home from school - I don't think she's been this excited since we went to Disneyland last December.

I'm going to try and post a slide show of photos of the things we did this summer - I've never done it before, so it might take some time!

I Give Up

Today was not a good day.  Mike invited two couples over to our house last week, and I guess I took cleaning the house for company a little too serious.  I don't know why I let the stress of company get to me, but I did.  I lost my temper.  Yesterday I spent a good part of the day washing windows, cleaning the kitchen, mopping floors, and cleaning bathrooms - only to wake up this morning with a list of more chores that needed to be done -  and my body ached! How does this house get so grimy when it feels like all I do is clean?  I try and look at my house as a visitor would, and then I'm able to see the grossness of it.  I admit, I was overwhelmed:  So much to do, and not enough time or energy.  After church we rushed home and again I started with the list I had in my head...the company would be here in 1-1/2 hours, and I still needed to make the food for company.  I didn't feel Mike was helping - as quickly as he should be, and I was picking up after him and the kids for at least the fifth time - it got to me, and I yelled at Gracie, making her cry.  Yes, I felt bad, but there were things that still needed to get done!  Is that OCD, or what?  Well, my attitude led Mike and I to fight, quite loudly.  Not something I'm proud of.  I'm overwhelmed, with life in general, and I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back today.  Needless to say, the time spent with company was not all that enjoyable, neither was the rest of the day after they left (our house a disaster, again.).  Oh well.  Who the hell cares, right?  So, after the consequences of being overly concerned about the cleanliness of my house, and my life's stress, I've decided to give up.  I'm not going to worry about having a perfect house -  not that it ever is, but it is enough to make my brain be quiet.  I give up.  I've decided the happiness of myself and Gracie and Jacob is more important.   Because believe it or not, on my Thursday's, when I stay home, I spend most of my day cleaning, despite my children's begging to play outside or go on a walk.....but not anymore.  I haven't figured out how to quiet the voices in my head that won't rest until I feel comfortable my house is "clean", but I will!!  No more.  So, if you come over and see dishes piled up, and mold growing, just be happy for me!  Know that I feel no stress and am FINALLY enjoying the important things..Gracie and Jake.   Who the hell cares, I give up.

Not That Great

I have sat down at least three times lately to write a new blog - and half-way through I get interrupted.  It seems my kids are unable to play by themselves for longer than 3 minutes at a time.  This frustrates me!  Which leads me to the point of this blog:

Is it normal that I don't like my children at times?  Is there such a thing as "burn-out", like eating too much of something, with your own children? I know this sounds just awful, and I don't like feeling this way, but I find myself needing my own "time-out" in the midst of dealing with the drama, fighting, whining, and demands.  I have to look into their eyes and see the precious little soul there, and close my eyes and listen to their sweet voices (when they aren't whining) - than I can't help but love them - but my patience are thin and I'm drained.  I've tried to analyze what the real reason is for my lack of patience and the stress I feel - but can't think of anything that really bothers me.  I started going to a woman's Bible study on Monday nights, and I think maybe this will help my sour attitude.  We are going to be studying the book of Ruth for the next 10 weeks - and the theme is "It's Hard Being A Woman".....yeah, this is probably just what I need.  An attitude adjustment.  So I think I'm being prepared for what the Bible study is going to show me - feeling like this makes me realize I need God, constantly.   

But at least I've been able to finish a blog this evening - that's a step in the right direction.   

The pictures are from our recent camping trip.

This blog my not be appropriate for all readers. Reader's discretion is advised...Especially men.

Okay, you've been warned, so if you're still reading I assume you aren't easily offended! Please continue:

The day started off as any other normal weekday, except it was Friday, which doesn't matter much until 4:00pm, because it's still work as usual. I hit the snooze button every five minutes for 30 minutes, and finally dragged my tired butt out of bed at 6:30am. I slumped into the kitchen to scrounge a clean coffee cup, and poured myself a great big cup of black coffee. Nodded to Mike, who was sitting in his recliner in the living room, as I made my way back to the bedroom. Set my coffee on the window sill, and crawled back into bed to snuggle with Jacob for just one more minute.....3o minutes later I jumped out of bed and into the shower and quickly completed my routine: wash hair, condition hair, wash body, brush teeth, rinse hair. Nothing special today - didn't feel like shaving - I think I did that yesterday, or was it the day before? Got dressed, did makeup, blow-dried hair, got kids dressed, threw some leftover mac & cheese and two bananas into my purse for the kids' lunch...I don't think I fed them breakfast yet. Oh well, maybe they won't notice. Oh wait!...Gracie and Jacob did eat an apple for breakfast while they watched Arthur in my bed - the evidence is still there - chewed up bits of apple that Jacob had spit out, that now decorate my bed sheets. That will be nice to come home to tonight. No, I didn't have time to make my bed this morning, in case you were wondering.

I managed to make it to work "on time", somewhere between 8:30 and 9:00. My sister pulled into the parking lot just about the time I did and Jacob ran to greet her. I heard the birds chirping in the tree above and thought to myself what a good day it was going to be. My Mom happened to be walking through the parking lot between the warehouse and the office at the same time and stopped a second to chat. She mentioned something about having a doctor's appointment later in the afternoon.........

Uh, yeah, then it hit me. I had totally forgotten about my "annual appointment" that was scheduled for this morning at 10:30am. Geeze, these visits only happen once a year, am I really expected to remember them? Okay, so now the realization of what this really means begins to sink in...........

I haven't shaved my legs in a couple of days - let alone some other very important anatomy, I haven't had a pedicure in who know how long?, and I'm not mentally prepared for this - especially so early in the morning!

I start to form my plan: I'll leave work 10 minutes early. I'll run home and quickly shave my legs and "other areas", put some clean white socks in my purse (yucky feet, remember?), spray some nice smelling body spritz "all over", and do a quick inspection of the parts that will have center stage - making sure everything is squeaky-clean. This plan worked like a charm! I even managed to touch-up my lipstick and mascara - and still made it on time!

As I walked into the doctor's office, I felt pretty confident! I had faith that all my areas had been appropriately groomed and ready for inspection. I walked up to the receptionist's window, and Rachel gave me some paper work to fill out to update my file. I had only just sat down and found a pen in the bottom of my purse, when I heard my name being called. Wow! That was fast! It's my turn already! The nice little nurse escorted me to an evil apparatus, more frequently known as a scale, made record of my weight, and gestured me to follow her. Oh man! I hate this exam room she's leading me to. I don't know why, but I prefer the other room - but it looks as though it already has a guest.

She asks me to take a seat on the exam table while she asks the usual questions: "What form of contraception are you currently using?", "Are you taking any prescription drugs?", blah, blah. While she takes my blood pressure, we talk about her mom turning 50 and the surprise party she's throwing for her tonight, yeah okay, let's just get on with this! She instructs me to undress completely, put on the robe and please let the opening face the front, oh, and do I need to empty my bladder before my pap smear? "Sure", I reply, "Why not?" I walked the five steps out of my exam room to the restroom, and pee. I reach for some toilet paper and quickly think about how much effort I put into making sure my "parts" where "just so". As I think this thought, I also think how ironic it would be to have this toilet paper fall apart as I wipe and leave little bits of white tissue as souvenirs of my trip to pee. WHATEVER!....You know that's just what's happened! I sat there with legs spread open, looking at the mess I had just created, and said out loud "YOU'RE KIDDING ME? This did NOT just happen?" Okay, well, let's just clean it up and get out of here, I've got to get back to work, you know. But these evil bits of tissue aren't budging! They're stuck! I franticly grab another handful of dry toilet paper and try again. Ahhh! More bits! It looks like I just wiped my booty with a handful of dryer lint after a load of whites - this is just not acceptable. What am I going to tell my doctor during his examination? Is he going to look up at me over the sheet draped over my knees and sternly ask, "Audrey, do we need to talk about proper hygiene and sanitation?" I've only got 30 more seconds, at best, to be in the restroom, before my doctor and nurse start wondering what's taking me so long. I hop up from the toilet, waddle to the sink, grab a paper towel, get it wet in the sink, and hope for the best. I think it's working, but now I need to make sure there's none of this bastard tissue, that has given me a headache in the last 90 seconds, left behind. After all, just one little souvenir is an offender, right? So, my next mission - make sure everything is just as it was before this brilliant idea to pee - holy shit! - I didn't need to pee that bad anyway! With my pants at my ankles, I try to put my head between my legs to get a better view, but loose my balance and hit my head on the sink. This isn't going to end good, is it? "Okay, just breath", I tell myself, even though I've only got 15 seconds before I have GOT to make an exit. I've got an idea! I'll sneak a quick peak with my compact mirror when I go back to my exam room. Deal! I pulled up my pants, washed my hands, and walked out of the restroom. And yes, just as I thought, I could see my doctor out of the corner of my eye, standing at his station making notes, just 10 feet away from the restroom - and yes, he was waiting for me to go into my exam room - it was my turn.

Now, I know I have GOT TO HURRY! I have got to get undressed, put on my clean white socks, put on my gown, and grab the compact mirror out of my purse, sneak a peak, hop on the table, and act like everything is just fine! I am so worried he will walk in as I'm examining myself and say to me quite sympathetically, "Audrey, my dear, that's MY job!"

As I'm undressing, I remember last year's exam.....horrible memory......my doctor didn't give me enough time to get undressed, and walked in on me half-naked. Yeah, that was kinda awkward. So, I KNOW I must focus and remain cool to get this done. Thankfully, the damage control I'd done with the paper towel did the trick - Everything was just fine down there! I threw the mirror back in my purse and hopped up on the exam table - just in time.

After all this...after he's done with his job....I have to sit there, naked, making sure my gown is covering everything, and talk to him for 10 minutes, looking him in the eye no less, about the different options for birth control.

I tell you what, I sure hope this is building "character", because if it's not, it's just not worth it. And even though the morning started out "as usual", I pray this part of my day isn't any indication of the rest of the day...what else did I forget about?

Huh? I don't get it!

What's with all the hype about this Swine flu?  I don't understand what the big deal is?  Um, yeah, so it's a virus...you have the same symptoms of a "normal" flu: vomiting, diarrhea, sore throat, headache, aches.  So what?  Why is the media marketing it like it's the next cancer?  I looked on the Center of Disease Control official website today and noticed they were keeping track of how many "confirmed" cases of swine influenza A (H1N1) there are in America, and to my surprise there have been only 91 cases, only one of which resulted in death.  Are you kidding me???  Only 91 cases in ALL OF AMERICA? I'm sorry, but maybe I see things much differently than most.  Oh! Wait...it's called COMMEN SENSE.  I did a little snooping on the internet to compare some statistics to put this swine flu "pandemic" into perspective.  This is what I found: In the United States there are an estimated 25 - 50 MILLION cases of the "normal" flu reported each year.  There is an estimated 300,000 - 500,000 deaths in the world blamed on influenza each year.  Come on now!  So, the media is terrifying everyone because there has been ONE death so far?  And only 91 confirmed cases of this swine flu as of 11:00 am (according to the Center of Disease Control) this morning? The Center for Disease Control's website stated there was an average somewhere between 36,000 - 52,000  deaths in the United States from flu-related causes and complications each year. Okay, so if 36,000 deaths are reported each year in the U.S., that would mean 98.63 people die EACH DAY - and we don't often think twice about this flu - certainly not in the "pandemic" sense anyway!!  So why the scare?  What's behind it?  Quite frankly, I'd be more concerned about what's in the antiviral drugs they want to inject into your body!  I just don't understand why this swine flu, that again, has the same "symptoms" of seasonal influenza, has made the Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, declare a public health emergency??  Ugh!!  Why are we so easily brainwashed??  

So, my opinion, in case you're interested??  Do some research.  Don't let yourself be part of the blind masses that rely on the media to spoon-feed them misleading information!!  I will sleep well tonight - After all, my God is in control anyway.

So Glad It's Friday!

I can't even begin to express how happy I am today is Friday!  The reason?...I don't have to work tomorrow..or the next day.  We have been having some issues at work with personalities (well, really just one) that are WAY hard to be around.  And a break from that stress is most welcome! 

Enough about that!

I have been promising to take Gracie to see the Hannah Montana movie - so, tomorrow is the special day!  This is a sacrifice on my part - we watch Hannah Montana's show at least three times a week while I am getting dinner ready...that's more than enough for me!  At least the theater is in the Tulare Outlet Mall, so maybe I'll just HAVE to see what kind of sales they have!  Gracie is excited though.  Mike and I have decided I need to spend more quality alone-time with my daughter.  So much of our normal everyday lives revolve around the baby. Without realizing it, Gracie is told "no" quite often because of the effect her actions will have on Jacob.  For example, Gracie will want to play in the backyard, but Momma says no because Jacob will have to follow.  He tries to keep up with her and climb the jungle-gym and I'm affraid he'll fall and break his neck.  And if I let her go out alone, he stands at the screen and cries because he can see her!  All this is too much for my already stressed psyche after a day at work and trying to make dinner, so Grace is forced to do things that make my life easier - it's not fair, and I feel bad.  Anyway, giving Gracie some special attention makes me a better mom and affirms she is a very important part of this family.  I'll make sure to rate the movie for you so you can either rush out and see it, or just skip it!