Holy Cow!

Aye-Aye-Aye!!!  I am about at the end of my rope tonight.  And the scary thing is, it's only 6:00pm and the work has just begun for the night!  I have managed to drag two grouchy kids to the grocery store after work, chop up a million vegetables to make soup, and deal with a constantly noisy daughter, and very whiney son, who thinks the best way to get my attention while I'm making dinner is to push me away from the counter and cry!  I still have a house to pick up, dinner mess to address, baths to give, fights between siblings to calm....I'm sure there's more, I just don't want to think about it.   Yes, it's every mother's battle, but tonight I just don't feel like I have the right weapons (a sense of humor and patience).  8:30pm can't come fast enough tonight!

Today contains all the components of what usually makes a good day, but for some reason, I just can't shake this mood I'm in.  All the physical ingredients of life that satisfy my soul are present, so nothing seems to justify why or what I'm feeling.  I'm not necessarily grumpy, not sad, not mad, but I'm not happy, peaceful, or content either.  I guess the best way I can explain is with Holly Golightly, in one of my favorite movies "Breakfast At Tiffany's".  She describes her state of mind as "the mean reds".   She explains "....the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long, you're just sad, that's all. But the mean reds are horrible.  Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."  

While I sit here alone and do some inventory, I am also taking time for some introspection.  I realize again, there isn't anything palpable that justifies my "blues" and "reds".  My reasons aren't clear to the mind, or plain to see, but rather my perception, I guess.   So how do I change my perception when these moods settle in and make residence in my soul?    

Maybe I need quiet to refocus the lense I use to view my framework.  If I can learn how to adjust my lense, my perception, then maybe next time when the "blues" and "reds" creep into my psyche, I can send them on their way before any time is wasted.   For today, however, I am going to welcome them and embrace the solitary mood it mandates.

It's Ugly Outside!!

Today is New Year's Eve.  And I couldn't ask for a better day...it's 9:30am and still foggy and very damp outside!  My perfect morning!

Gracie had a friend spend the night last night, and after getting out of bed three times last night, one of which, she managed to crawl into bed with me, I finally convinced her to sleep in the SAME room with her guest!  Aye!  Gracie acted like a slumber party rookie!  I was planning on making them homemade donuts for breakfast, but I'm just too lazy!  So, now I have to convince them that toast is sooo delicious and sounds really good!  Maybe with butter and sugar .

Tomorrow Mike and I are planning to spend the entire day at home.  I am making our "Thanksgiving" dinner!  I really wanted to stay home on Thanksgiving and make our own meal, but we appeased the in-laws and went over there instead.  So, I get to make mine on New Years!

I need to get some chores done and run to the grocery store.  And I have managed to talk the girls into cinnamon and sugar toast while typing this, so I guess I should get up and make them their breakfast!   

The What's Next

Christmas is over, and most years I have the "After Christmas Blues".  You know what I'm talking about, right?  The day after Christmas you're sad because the day you've planned for, shopped for, anticipated, and looked forward to is gone, until next year.  For some reason, this year I am glad Christmas is over.  It was a wonderful day, a fabulous holiday, but no "blues" this year!  I'll really be glad when Mike lets me take down all the Christmas decorations - they really clutter up my house!  

So, thank you to everyone that made this holiday so wonderful!!  Now we look forward to a Happy New Year!

The What

Merry Christmas to Me!

Merry Christmas!  Today has been such a wonderful day, the best Christmas day I can remember!  Mike and I were, of course, short on money this year, so we didn't buy each other anything, instead we spent everything we could on Gracie and Jacob, and family.  This is the first Christmas we haven't spoiled each other with expensive gifts, but we didn't even miss them!  We knew the kids would be happy with their gifts, so we were excited!

So excited, in fact, that I felt like a little kid anticipating Christmas morning!  I didn't sleep very well last night.  I woke up every two hours hoping it was time to get up!  Finally at 6:30 I was awake for good.  The only problem?..No one else was awake!  Mike, Gracie, and Jacob were all sound asleep!  I snuggled in with Tootsie for awhile, until I couldn't stand the anticipation anymore.  I managed to wake Mike up and explained my plan:

I really wanted Gracie to be the first one awake and see the christmas tree with all the presents piled under it.  We don't put any presents under the tree until "Santa comes" on Christmas Eve.  So, on Christmas morning it's quite a shock to Gracie!  Well, Gracie wasn't cooperating - of course the ONE morning I WANT her to wake up early, she doesn't!  Any other morning she's standing two inches from my face, using her Jedi mind powers to wake me up with her stare, WAY before I am ready to get out of bed.  Not today!  

Finally Jacob woke up at 7:15, but like a perfect little boy (again, he never does this when I want to sleep in), he lays in bed and QUIETLY talks to himself.  Since Gracie and Jacob share a room I thought for sure he would wake her up any minute.  Nope.  Thirty more minutes pass, and still more snoring from Gracie!  

Mike and I finally devised a plan.  I crawled out of bed and tiptoed into the kitchen to start the coffee and "turn on" the fireplace.  Then I snuck into the kids' bedroom to let Jacob see me, which I new would make him cry if I didn't pick him up right away!  Then I ran back to my bedroom and jumped into bed to pretend I was asleep!  Nope.  Jacob just continued to talk to himself.  What the heck??  

I crawled out of bed again and stood at the door to the kids' room and threw pillows, aiming for Gracie's head.  On the fourth try I nailed her!  She opened her eyes and before she could see me I dashed to my bedroom and jumped back in bed!  YES!! It worked!  I couldn't help laughing hysterically (as quietly as I could) at Gracie's face when I hit her in the head with a pillow!  Can you imagine being so peacefully asleep you don't even remember it's Christmas!...Then being ripped out of your sound sleep so rudely? Gracie woke up and started to tell Jacob "It's Christmas morning Jakie!"  She ran into the living room and saw all the presents under the tree, just like I wanted!  She ran back to tell Jacob about all the presents and that Santa came!  Then she came to wake up Mike and I!  Man...that was hard work!  And how funny, Gracie never said anything about how she was woken up!

Anyway, we had a great time watching the kids open their presents.  Jacob actually opened all his own gifts without much help!  

We played for awhile and then went to Mike's parents' house down the street.  His mom made THE BOMB breakfast.  As tradition mandates, she made bagels with cream cheese and onions, with cured salmon!  She "cooks" the salmon in vodka and dill for a few days - so it's still kind of raw, but oh so delicious!  Mike's younger brother, Chris, and his girlfriend Linda, where here from Missouri, and I had a really nice time visiting with them!  Mike's parents usually go way overboard in the present department, but this year was perfect!  They only gave two presents to Mike and I, and they were very practical, which was nice.  It was lovely!  

We came home after opening presents there to enjoy the beautiful storm from our warm, cozy living room.  

Now, we are home after having dinner at my parent's house.  My Dad read the story about Jesus' birth right before dinner, and it was nice to slow down and acknowledge the real reason we celebrate. 

I am listening to Gracie and Jacob enjoy their new toys....a perfect way to end the most wonderful Christmas!  Happy Birthday Jesus.

When's it Mommy's turn?

I'm pooped!  Jacob is sick and Gracie is needy as always!  Poor Jake has the worst cold he's ever had.  His little eyes are red and teary, he has a nasty cough, and a non-stop runny nose.  He just wants to be held and loved, but Gracie insists she is just as sick and needs the same!  That is, until her little friend, Ariel, gets home from school and suddenly, miraculously, Gracie isn't sick at all!  So between laundry, constantly picking up the house (if I don't it doesn't take long to get out of control), tending to a sick little guy, and obeying my daughter's constant demands, I need a nap!  

There is a positive today!  Since we are house bound, Gracie and I are making sugar cookies to decorate and have had Christmas movies on all day.  So, I have made sure to bring a little of the Christmas spirit into my heart, which seems extra hard this year for some reason!